I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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