maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Randomize
