Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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