i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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