Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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