There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
