So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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