either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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