this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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