some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
