My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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