my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
