You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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