I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
