I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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