just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
