Just fell off a train. Bad.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
