Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I need a burrito and a hug.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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