His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
