she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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