I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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