Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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