the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just pee around me
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I just sharted jello shots
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
