4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
