she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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