Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my poor anus
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
