Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
