remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
