He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
