I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
now i know why i became what i already was.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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