HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
