I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
