bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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