I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
