Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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