The police scanner is talking about you again....
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
