i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
