think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
