I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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