When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
