I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
