How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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