Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
