So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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