dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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