He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
