So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
