You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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