There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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