i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
