I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
