Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize