Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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