I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
