New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just high enough for therapy.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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