I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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