Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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