it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
