dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
