I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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