when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
