did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
