Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
