oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
