Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
