we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
