I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
