hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
