i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
