oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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