I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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