My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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