If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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