Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
