Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
