Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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