thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Everything about him screamed your future.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
