I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
