Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize