So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
