hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
