Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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