She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
