I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
